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Laurie Byro
Advanced Member Username: lauriette
Post Number: 1241 Registered: 11-2003
| Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 9:09 am: |
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Where the Dead Go He hides in the dark corners of my room. I cover myself with sleep. I become the only light in the house not worth knowing. Lately, I see him out on the sidewalk scurrying between old women carrying canes. Lately, he bangs on the door of my house. I wade through dreams, make the descent to shoo him away. He’s gone brazen black, changed to a skittering bat. I run him down on an empty country road that goes on forever. Each tree I pass has him peering through branches wearing his leafy mask. Each mountain laurel has him blinking at me through white clusters of flowers. I turn off my headlights, drive in the dark. Shadows become larger as we form patterns that interfere with sunlight. A row of beetles climb their ponderous flight along the limb of a tulip tree. Suntanned children play along mossy banks making houses for crawfish out of twigs and stones. We cast ourselves in shade over their emerging mansions. They squint in the sun, pay us no mind. He carries me on his back over the River Styx. I look down through his transparency. Not like a dragonfly’s veined wings, nor a sooty moth’s frenetic breath— more like breath itself. As if he held me inside half a second too long, exhaled me slowly. I am the neon that signals abandon. He is the current lifting me up, pulling me under. Now you will say, I have become his concubine. Now you will say, I am the blood that no longer runs through him. I wait for the thud of his fall as he crashes into the warm earth. A god- awful noise, or worse the quiet flight of his leaving me behind.
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Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb
Post Number: 4779 Registered: 07-2001
| Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 10:52 am: |
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Laurie, a vg read, a fine work. I would drop the second lately, but it part of your music. I like now you will say repeated much better. My fav I look down through his transparency. Not like a dragonfly’s veined wings, nor a sooty moth’s frenetic breath— more like breath itself. As if he held me inside half a second too long, exhaled me slowly. I am the neon that signals abandon. He is the current lifting me up, pulling me under. Smiles. Gary
The new, August FireWeed is ready for you to read. Go in through http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ to get to the issue in a click or two.
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Karla Isbell
Member Username: karla
Post Number: 60 Registered: 02-2004
| Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 11:52 am: |
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Laurie, I just have to day that I love this! I'm seeing some sort of night demon, perhaps an incubus? One that is desired instead of feared? Almost thought of a sort of vampire at first, with the changing into a bat and the blood that no longer runs through him...but then realized that vampires do not cast shadows. My only suggestion for change would be to set off "or worse" from "the quiet flight of his leaving me behind." either with a comma or a dash, or even ellipses. Beautifully written, one of my favorites by you. My best, Karla |
Morgan Lafay
Valued Member Username: morganlafay
Post Number: 251 Registered: 08-2005
| Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 12:52 pm: |
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Each line carries the reader to the next, the next! Your piece is wonderful. |
Laurie Byro
Advanced Member Username: lauriette
Post Number: 1244 Registered: 11-2003
| Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 6:41 pm: |
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Gary Karla and Morgan: Thank you ALL very much. Appreciate you reading me. We had our 1st "circle of voices" which i lead for the season and it was a huge hit. I showed them the anthology and read them a poem and they were astounded. This is so cool to be able to market our work like this. laurie
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Teresa White
Member Username: teresa_white
Post Number: 71 Registered: 01-2005
| Posted on Thursday, September 15, 2005 - 6:57 am: |
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Hi Laurie, Your voice has become so dinstinct over the past few years -- I think I could pick yours out of a crowd with no problem. This is lovely-- each line thoughtfully placed-- the entire poem full of wonderful imagery. This is one to savor, and savor again. Bravo! Teresa |
Laurie Byro
Advanced Member Username: lauriette
Post Number: 1248 Registered: 11-2003
| Posted on Thursday, September 15, 2005 - 5:39 pm: |
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hi teresa, I hope in my quest to develop "a voice" I still have an interested following. I appreciate you hanging with me over the years. I would say several of us have developed a voice and I appreciate your contribution to poetry. xo Laurie
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